What's a typical Monday like at your job?
Do you stumble in a few minutes late, stop by cubicles to say hi to your co-workers, set your stuff down, make a Pop Tart, dick around online, then think about doing some work? That’s fine. I envy you.
I’ve been a 911 Police and Fire dispatcher for ten years. I arrive to work at least ten minutes early every day so that the person I relieve can go home on time, because we can’t leave a terminal unmanned. My Monday could be Sunday, or Friday, or Saturday, or Christmas, or your kid’s birthday, or whenever. Sometimes I’ll work eleven or more days in a row, and in that case, do you even really have a Monday? I don’t have to greet my co-workers because I’ll be sitting next to the same three people all day, unable to get up and walk away when they bug me and grateful when I can get up to go to the bathroom.
If you’ve ever had to call 911 in your life, and you are a normal person, you probably remember it. I apologize in advance if we were rude. We are definitely a Type A bunch that needs to get the info, get it fast, and get out, because you sure as hell aren’t the only game in town. People remember “the time they had to call 911” because whatever it was scared them.
Well, that’s just “Monday” for me.
Last week I talked to a woman who woke up to find a complete stranger in her house, a man, who fought with her and tried to rip her shirt off. He sent text messages from her phone before he woke her up. She was terrified as she checked the bedrooms to make sure her kids were okay. Hell, I was terrified right along with her.
I’ve seen enough movies.
I’ve been on the phone with people who have shot themselves, were just about to shoot themselves, or were just shot by someone else. I’ve talked a mother through how to do CPR on her lifeless baby (the baby died, of SIDS). I was the first person to talk to the little brother who found his sister hanging by a belt noose on the monkey bars of a park. To be honest, I think I have handled at least one of everything bad that can happen to someone in their life. (Although now that I typed that, I’m sure the universe will shock me with something new the next time I strap my headset on).
Reality is truly stranger than fiction.
Although, there are…the stories you can’t make up. For example, I literally just got off the phone with someone who asked me to call him Spider Pig...as in Spider Pig from the Simpsons, because he “does whatever [he] wants.” I have had TWO tortilla-related calls in my career (so far). I have had people complain about the moon looking suspicious. After an earthquake, I had a guy call asking if there was a “salami” wave coming in.
A salami.
It took me several years to become comfortable enough to feel confident that I could reasonably handle anything that came into my ear when answering 911. There is absolutely no way of telling what your work day will be like. It’s usually either hilarious, or tragic, but usually both. There are times I want to reach through the phone line and slap someone in the face (calling 911 for loud music, for example…happens all the time); and there are times I want to get out of my chair and physically go help the person that’s sobbing to me, or the officer that’s screaming for backup. In a word, it is exhausting, and I can’t help but think that you’ve got to be a little “off” to do this job.
Some advice: If you ever call 911 by mistake, just stay on the line. We do have to call you back to make sure you are okay, but we know that “swoosh swoosh” sound of an accidental pocket dial and we don’t really get angry when you say “sorry, I butt-dialed you.” We’re pretty intuitive that way.
But, just do us a favor and lock your phone while you’re having sex.
We’ve heard that too, and it makes us very uncomfortable.
This insightful insight was brought to us by Bettie Blowtorch.
